I began seeing this young woman because her marriage was falling apart. She had, in fact, begun an affair. I saw her husband first. He was devastated that his wife had left him. When she came back to him, he suggested that she see me.  

In the weeks that followed I learned her story. How she grew up, a successful young woman who had been an obedient girl. Her mother had directed her life and she had listened.  

She came to this country to learn English and one thing led to the next. She got married and then felt unhappy in her marriage because he was too busy working to pay attention to her.  

Seeking love, she found someone else. That could have been the end of the story. But instead, she returned to her husband and embarked on self-exploration. 

One day, she told me a very significant story from her young adulthood. She was among about ten young women contestants for a position in a major international sports competition.  Instead of staying and trying out, she left the field. She walked away.  

“Before this, I always ran away. I ran away from the competition and I ran away from my husband.” 

She was so afraid of losing that she decided to leave. She didn’t want to face the competition and thought she would fail, even though she was a top player. She had a lot of negative self-talk in her head.  

She told no one about this. Not her mother nor her husband. She had not told anyone this for ten years. Until she told me.  

The next time I saw her, she said to me, “Before this, I always ran away. I ran away from the competition and I ran away from my husband.”  

She had reflected on her life and saw a pattern. Instead of talking about a problem, she ran away. Now she was determined to talk about things that bothered her, rather than simply leaving.  

This story, for me, speaks to the incredible value of therapy. In the therapy room, there is absolute confidentiality; stories are not shared. And people (clients) receive compassionate listening which enables them to talk about the difficult moments in their lives. Getting a chance to safely “air one’s dirty laundry” and talk about those difficult moments gives people a chance to reflect upon their lives and opens up the possibility of change.